this sums up how i feel pretty well..

[fixuplooksharp]

This society is obviously based on hierarchy, competition, inequality and suppression of nature. There is domination, coercion, psychic (and physical) violence, fear and hate, almost everywhere; in the kindergarten, schools, universities and workplaces. Because the main economic principles are bossing and profit making, it is logical that the main principles of social life are also bossing and profit making, in a different way. Violence really is around us. I remember the situation in my school. As a little kid, I was always tense and anxious in the halls, as were all other kids, because every moment somebody could attack me. There was constant fighting, mocking, jealousy, hatred, in the free spaces, and constant fear in the classrooms, where the teachers satisfy their sadism and destructiveness. I was always a witness of violence, as I passed through the elementary school, high school, university and even my working place. People are alienated, vicious, they hate life, they can' t understand unconditional love and they hate sexuality. Most of children are bored and utterly unmotivated for thinking, reading, inventing, loving. They are honest about this in the company of their coevals. Many of them drink, smoke and take drugs from the early age.

I always felt negative emotions, I never suppressed anything, I hated authorities, teachers, and their coercion. I believed that I was a different species, more advanced one, which has the capacity for love, which has the natural instinct for learning and creativity, which is not naturally agressive, but only reactive to violence, which does not need coercion to function, but has self regulation. Later, of course, I replaced this theory, with humanism and socialism.

Most people behave as they do because the system, which drives the adults to be violent, feared, depressive, apathetic and ascetic, inflicts wounds on the newborn and young children, by means of authoritarianism, neglect, religious practices (suppression of sex, circumscision). As they grow up, they are constantly scared in disciplinarian institutions, forced into competition which fills them with distrust and hate, taught to be conformists and servile, not to think for themselves, to abandon their original feelings and thoughts, to be like everyone else. Of course, not to break so many unwritten and written codes is impossible, so it contributes to anxiety and guilt.

The authoritarian system meets the needs of neurotics, it enables them to satisfy their sadism, servitude, hate, narcissism, greed, selfishness. I am convinced that these needs are escape from anxiety, feelings of weakness, isolation and insignificance. I agree with Erich Fromm in this sense. But I do not believe there is some existential, basic, inherent fear that drives man, but that it is instilled in a child by the practise of parenting, schooling, and so on. Fear naturally is a feeling of vulnerability and powerlessness or just stimulates those feelings when it is unconscious. Sadism works because it suppresses that fear and creates a false emotion of power. That is how the dummified, uncreative, servile authoritarian character is formed. How could it be otherwise? The system needs such people. They maintain it, they are part of it. It is self repeating. How could the capitalistic and state hierarchy function if the people were not a mass, but developed personalities, empathic, loving, freedom-seeking, cooperative, non violent, non greedy, non sadistic, not lazy and not obsessed with popularity and power? We would then see equality, direct democracy, collective property, non coercive institutions. We would do away with the money and competition. Solidarity would be a basic principle.